Is my baby waking out of habit or need?

1st March 2024

 

This month im diving deeper into the night wakings topic that i started last month.  Its a HUGE area of infant sleep that MANY parents seek my help with.  Understandably so; night wakings affect the ENTIRE family and a good night’s sleep is necessary for EVERYONE to be happy and healthy.
 

The area I’m taking a look at here are habitual night wakes: The frequent wakings that happen every 1 to 2 hours.  Its gruelling after a while and can endure long after many babies are able to learn how to sleep through the night.  So i want to talk about what’s going on and how to address it.

First thing’s first. Night feeds. Contrary to what you may have been told, whilst it IS possible for some babies to sleep without waking for a night feed at 6 months and beyond, its not true for all babies.  Especially breastfed babies.  But certainly from 6 months onwards (up to a year where 1 feed may still linger) you’d be expecting stretches of sleep to lengthen and feeds to drop.

 

If you’re in a situation where you’re feeding / rocking / patting your baby to sleep every 1.5 to 2 hours overnight beyond that first 6 months of life, we have something that needs looking at.

 

Now; another pause here; what i’m about to say applies to you ONLY if you have an issue with those multiple night wakings, or if your baby is struggling to cope with those broken nights (ie; is grouchy and tired all day).  If you want to continue to feed / help your baby to sleep at every waking that is your choice and please continue!!

 

However, if you are finding that these night wakings are starting to break you and no-one is feeling particularly great about the lack of sleep right now, read on!

 

Did you know that we all wake every 1.5 to 2 hours overnight?  Yup. As adults we have around 6 sleep cycles at night and at the end of each cycle we wake momentarily before drifting back to sleep.  We don’t even know we’ve done it.  The difference between us and our babies is that if you’re helping your baby to sleep, they learn that they need to be helped to sleep.  What that means is that at each micro-waking between each sleep cycle, they can’t work out how to go back to sleep and call on you to help them.  Queue feeding / rocking / patting to sleep over and over.  Its called a habit loop (courtesy of Charles Duhigg):

 

In the context of your baby waking it looks like this:

 

Cue: Your baby wakes at the end of a sleep cycle and cries out

Behaviour: They cry out

Reward: You help your baby back to sleep

 

Your own habit loop reinforces your baby’s habit loop as follows:

 

Cue: Your baby cries out

Behaviour: You help them back to sleep

Reward: You get a couple more hours sleep until the next event

 

Your baby’s behaviour is the cue in your own habit loop. Their reward is your behaviour. You need to change your own behaviour in order to break both habit loops.

 

This is where teaching your baby to self settle comes in.  If your baby learns that actually they don’t need your help to get back to sleep, when they wake after a sleep cycle they very often no longer need to call out for you.  They're able to drift off happily to sleep once more without intervention.  That means less disturbed nights and a better rested household!

 

The exception to this is where babies have got used to the ‘reward’ and kinda like it.  Mostly this is where babies are fed back to sleep but can also include rocking / cuddles and coming into your bed.  I find that most babies need a little encouragement alongside learning to self settle in order to give up milk overnight altogether when its been their ‘go to’ for many months beyond that 6 month mark.  There’s ways to gradually reduce it over time - especially important for those who need to make sure their calorie intake is replaced in the day before removing overnight.  Whatever the reason for their habitual wake up in the night, if you combine self settling with breaking that habit, you'll get you those unbroken nights you all so very much need!

 

(And by the way, teaching babies to self settle doesn’t mean shutting the door and never returning.  You can do this responsively with love.)

 

Are you currently experiencing night wakings with your little one?  Get in touch if you need help jumping off that habit loop and onto more restful nights for all!

 

Want to read more of my thoughts on sleep? Join the mailing list and get a free Night Wakings and Naps Guide too!

Join the mailing list!